Contract Cashed In: Fat Man Dead!

You remember that guy who sold the carved elven phallus magical foci? I am sure you do because that was the weirdest job I think I have done. Well it turns out in fact that man (or I should say elf disguised as a fat sweaty guy) has a contract out on his head.

Ruby got back to us a few weeks ago confirming this, in turn we have been preparing. The plan was simple, Piper would arrange to sell a valuable item that the guy wants, we would deliver it and put him down hard.

It should be noted that Piper would almost never do this, he takes is client/foci dealer relationships seriously, but this elf is a bad bad person. Rapey, abusing type bad and on top of that the elf has a really bad rep. Piper figured not only would it be financially beneficial to him to help, but it would be a public service getting rid of him.

Ruby arrived, Piper made the arrangements and we went over and got Kylo for the badass gun support. The meet was arranged with myself, Ruby and Kylo going out onto the guy’s beautiful property.

The guy had some electronic security measures, but since we were meeting him that didn’t pose a problem. There of course was a huge ton of magical wards and defenses, but that is why we have Ruby. Her speciality is healing and dropping/putting up wards.

Ruby is fairly hot IMHO

The big problem was a pride of panthers (is it a pride when its panthers?). They are familiars and we were unsure how much they would defend him, or attack him. We were gambling that overall most of them wouldn’t help him. After all it is unlikely he is nice to them if he isn’t nice to his lady friends.

They were cute, but not this small.

We rolled up on the scene in a van and saw the familiars following us. There is something awe-inspiring about a pack of panthers (or is that wolves) following silently. We waited outside for a couple of minutes after ringing the bell. I made sure I was in front of the camera, he liked coping a feel last time, maybe that would relax him if he recognized me.

I imagine he looks like this when he is larping.

Evidently it did, because he came out smiling and led us back in. He definitely took advantage of walking behind me by touching my ass. I was worried he wouldn’t stop until he was inside me, through my pants. I just gave him a big smile and I think he was so focused on that he didn’t notice Ruby start dropping his wards when we were inside.

I am not sure what happened behind me specifically because I turned to the fat man and as soon as Ruby dropped the ward that prevented me from touching my magic I ssummoned the biggest lightning spell I could and drilled him with it. While the gunfire and magic behind me erupted at the familiars.

I kept casting the spell until the crumpled body in front of me smelled like burnt flesh and quit moving. You can never be too sure about another mage, and especially an elven mage who might cast one of their fucked up death curses. We then rummaged the house for all the papers, valuables we could.

End result is we walked away with $125k for each of us from the contract, plus whatever we could heist that my awesome accountant can pawn, sell or cash in.

About agirlushouldknow

A middle-aged transgender gamer woman who grew up so poor it was only po. Who works in a white-collar job, graduating late in life. The most important part is I am married 29+ years to a wonderful husband and I have a pretty cool one-eyed cat named Tally the Pirate Queen (or Bitchy Princess depending on her day).
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